she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
