A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
