saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
