As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
