we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
