I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
