just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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