I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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