I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
