i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
