Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
