I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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