Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
