If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize