anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
