I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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