He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
