that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
