Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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