just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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