im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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