When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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