You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish I only lived at night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
