I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
