How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
