remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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