You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
