One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
