Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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