so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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