your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
