There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
