I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
