i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
