Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
