Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bring me that man meat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
