Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
