No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
