im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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