I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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