WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
