It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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