I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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