wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
