Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
as a side note pls kill me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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