Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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