but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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