so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
