Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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