Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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