just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
