two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
