He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
