this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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