I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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