He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
