i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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