Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
