"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
