You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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