belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
