so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
