I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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