i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
