girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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