Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
