Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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