i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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