You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
