Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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