So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
