What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
