Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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