Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
