I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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