i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
