You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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