my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
