I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I AM VODKA MAN
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
