I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
