I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
