WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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