I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
