"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
