my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
