Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
