i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
