maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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