wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
