when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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