My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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