One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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